|78,436 notes||October 1, 2014||(via)|
|28,040 notes||03:48 AM||(via)|
I just realized that the lack of acceptance for asexuals is literally the dumbest thing.
Like, you can’t handle the thought of two dudes kissing? Okay you’re dumb and terrible whatever.
But you can’t handle the idea… Of someone… Not kissing anyone? What are you worried about? They’re gonna eat too much mac n cheese?? Draw too many dinosaurs??? Tell me
I’m asexual (although I don’t usually identify that way because I dislike the label, I just say I don’t usually care for sex/understand the appeal of sexual things) and I don’t like a lot of the rhetoric about asexuality.
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I am so eternally happy about Kieren Walker’s canon bisexuality. He as a form of representation is so great as it’s not the ‘shoving down the throat’ sort of bisexuality that I’m used to in shows.
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|71 notes||02:47 AM||(via)|
"Monosexual privilege" what if
What if someone, perhaps, idk, a poly/pan person told you that you had bisexual privilege
Because you know, bisexuals are way more represented in media than poly and pan people, correct?
The opposite of polyamorous is monogamous. Monogamous bisexuals being represented in the media more than polyamorous people is part of “monogamous privilege” which covers that fact that any monogamous relationship is more likely to be in the media.
However, in terms of media about poly people, the media is more likely to focus on straight men. Sometimes, the straight men’s partners are bi-sexual women, but the fact they’re with each other is usually presented as for the man’s benefit and caters to the male gaze. This is harmful because it perpetuates the idea that women’s bisexuality is performative/only exists to entertain men and that relationships between bisexual women or lesbians are welcome to men joining.
If a women is dating a guy, guys see her as “taken”, belonging to someone else, and will leave her alone. In my experience saying “I have a boyfriend” is the best way to get a guy to leave you alone without inspiring aggression, because they respect other men’s “rights” to you. If you say “I have a girlfriend” the response is “that’s fine” “can I watch” “I always wanted a threesome”. Not because the assume bi or lesbian women are poly, but because they assume relationships between women aren’t “real” or a woman without a man is “unclaimed”.
This mentality also hurts poly people. As a poly woman it’s hard to meet people because they assume I was put up to flirting with women to get a “third” for my husband, or that I’m only poly because it’s what he wants/that because he’s a man he wants to sleep around/have threesomes.
The truth is my husband is more monogamous leaning and is demisexual/romantic. He dates other people because I’m a bi romantic gray ace poly and I introduce him to people I like and am supportive of him falling in love with them as well. We both fell in love with our ex-boyfriend at the same time and started dating him at the same time, but even there I was the one to say “hey I like that guy, what do you think” and his response was “I like him too”. In contrast, I dated my girlfriend for months before she and my husband started dating. He was only ever involved in our relationship because they wound up liking each other and she wanted him to be.
My polyamory has never been for him.
And this assumption about polyamory is all tied up in “heteronormativity” which includes sexism, homophobia, biphobia, and polyphobia. Monogamous privilege exists because monogamy is part of heteronormativity.
This has nothing to do with bisexuals. Do monogamous bisexuals have monogamous privilege? Yes, but not because they’re bi, it’s because they’re monogamous, and they have less privilege than monogamous gay people who also have monosexual privilege, and way less that straight monogamous people.
* Here I’m using monogamous to refer to couples who commit to loving/dating/being with only one person. A monogamous person who cheats failed at their commitment but they are still living in a monogamous framework and many cheaters continue to practice monogamy/failed monogamy.
Poly refers to people who are consensually non-monogamous and committed to their parters.
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